Music Lesons

I’m going to try and do something a little different, and instead of always having a quote from a person (known or unknown) I am going to put songs and the parts that are important to me and that I think have a deep meaning.

First up - “Without Walls” by, the amazing band, Memphis May Fire. The first two lines of the song are:

“This is who we are! These are the roads we paved. The strength we found and the mistakes we made along the way.” 

Not only does his voice sound heavenly, but the song lyrics are strong and seem like they can hit home with anyone, almost. Those lines are saying that the way you are is they way you are and you made yourself they way you are. The strength was found you weren’t born with it and the mistakes are there but they are not the most important thing. 

The rest of the short one minute and 40 some odd seconds are amazing and I love all of it. You really should listen to it for your self, and tell me what you think? (Be warned there is some screamo in the song)

Picture source: Confront Magazine 

Second song and the last one - “Face Down (Album Version)” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This song is amazing! For some people it hits some a little more than others, because it’s about abuse. (Kinda funny story my competition-karate-team-captain thinks this song will be great for when we teach the self defense seminars [they are mostly for abuse victims]). I have two different sets of lines I want to share with you today. First:

“A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect. Every action in this worlds will bear a consequence.”

It’s very very true. One little thing makes an effect that will stay for a very long time. Forgetting your Chapstick for a day, can lead to having capped lips. Capped lips can lead to irritation. Ect. and ect.. Then the action part is just reinstating the ripple effect. Second set of lines:

“Face down in the dirt, she said ‘I’m fine.’ She said, ‘I finally had enough.’”

It says that you can only take so much before you decide that that is enough, and that it’s finally time to stop. In the case of abuse victims they don’t think anything is wrong for a long period of time, and when they do figure out that something is wrong they blame themselves for the way their partner treated them (yes it doesn’t have to be a partner, it can be a parent, I’m just going off the song). Just give this song a listen, trust me it is well worth your time. 

Picture from Altpress 

I’ll tell you the truth and say I really enjoyed doing this. Let me know if you want me to do this again or if you want me to go back to the just quote part. Well I hope you have a good day and sleep the night away! Bye-bye!! 

His Name Was Zander

Today I have a post that isn't really about a quote per say, it is more about what people should know right now. I was just on Tumblr and I found out a 15 year old boy killed himself on the 15th of this month. On his grave his name isn't written; a name that he didn't believe in anymore. Sandra was written on his grave, not Zander. He was a trans boy and he was a shining light. I heard a story were he was very physically thirsty and he grab the first thing he could find, chocolate milk. He drank two glass and then he freaked out, because he was allergic to milk (not highly allergic, but allergic non the less).

He couldn't stand to be in a world where his parents and his school couldn't accept the fact that he was a male. They think that if you are born a girl than you stay a girl and you can't change that no matter what. I don't understand people who are co closed off to the point where they tell people that they are useless if they are not they way they are expected to be.

A good friend of mine, that is religious, said that god makes mistakes. Something just didn't work out when people who are transgender, but there is nothing wrong with them. If god can kill thousands of people then maybe he can afford make a mistake with something as simple as gender once and a while.

Form his obituary

You really should read all of the text form his obituary. Not only does it say the wrong name, it also says that there were survivors! He killed himself! There wasn't a plane crash or a house that caught on fire! He killed himself. How can there be survivors?

If you have a tumblr please do look at the tag 'his name was zander'. Don't forget him. He was a boy who loved space and who loved anime. 

What I don't understand is that Leelah blew up the internet within a couple of days. But Zander's death has only a few people who know about him. 

His name was Zander Mahaffey.

Picture from 2 Paragraphs 

Falling Down . . .

I have had a lot of people that know my story say that they are surprised that I'm still smiling to this day and the fact that I brush it off is amazing. Well here's the truth I can't brush it off anymore. It's piled so high that I can even start to graze the top while brushing. But here is the thing when I was young I learned that life is not easy and not a beautiful place all the time. I have had someone tell me that I don't know how dark the world is and that I'm too innocent to understand it. I will tell you this right now: I know more about how dark the world is than I do about how music effects different people.

"Falling down is part of life. Getting back up is living."
      - Unknown

I know first hand how hard it is to keep getting back up and how hard it is to keep living sometimes. But here is the thing if you give up you will never see what is in store for you at the end. Yes, I understand that I don't know what bullying feels like or what it feels like to have no one at your side. But I do know what it feels like to not be wanted in your "home" and to be yelled at for something you didn't do. Not terrible I know, but I can see where most of you come from and that is all I need and want.

I know that giving up seams like the best choice; you won't have to worry about what they say or how you act around them. All you have to worry about is how much better their lives would be without you in it. I'm sorry to say this but you don't live their life, you live your life. Your life is yours. Don't worry about what they say or how it makes you feel. Heck, take it in for a second knowledge it, if it is helpful retain it, if it is harmful throw it out like the trash it is.

This is a lesson I am learn myself right now. I'm learn to just keep the helpful comments and throw out the bad ones. It is a hard lesson to learn and a hard lesson to practice. How about we do this journey together? So neither of us is alone.

I know I'm going to keep heaving my body off the cold hard ground and get back up. I know that no matter how hard life gets I will not stop living (well until my time has come). For some reason this song started playing and I thought it is very interesting and is worth your time and it has a lot to do with this.

 Picture form Maria Mar


ps just a reminder that darkness can be beautiful too

Moments Create Memories

On Friday I went to a concert . . . Pierce the Veil and Sleeping With Sirens concert, but that isn't what this post is about. It's about the bands they had touring with them. Mallory Knox and Pvris. Just a side note, Pvris choose to have the v be like an upside down a, which I find really cool, so their name is really just paris, but spelled way cooler. I really enjoyed listening to them, they were both so much better than I though they would be. Poor Mallory Knox came on first so the crowd wasn't as pumped up as it was for Pvris, or it could just be that PVRIS has a girl singer and the crowd was mostly guys.

I must say that the whole concert was a night to remember, from running into one of my friends form camp to almost getting dragged into a mosh pit to finding new bands to listen to. That night is something I will hold close till I die.

"We don't remember days, we remember moments."
      - Cesare Pavese

My friends and I after the concert. Only two of them are older than me.

I won't remember how the day started out. I won't remember what classes I had that day. But I will remember the moments I shared with my friends during the concert. I will remember how happy I was to finally be inside of the building and not outside in the cool air in a tank top. I will remember how my throat hurt from singing and scream with the songs and how my feet killed me after all the jumping I did. Waiting for about 15 minutes for Pierce the Veil to come one. But the thing is that they will all be found memories that I don't ever want to forget.

I really want to know what memory you hold close. Is it a bad one or is it a good one? I really hope you don't hold the bad memories close. Hopefully you only can hold the good ones close. If you hold the bad ones close I hope they help you some how, don't really know how that may be, but they could help you.

Life is just a bunch of day all in a row that don't seam to make a whole lot of sense. Some days are almost identical to the other ones. But some . . . but some are so strange that they create moments that are amazing and that you don't want to forget at all. I know I have some of them. What are yours? What are the memories that you wouldn't ever want to forget?

The People . . .

I almost forgot all about this quote, till one of my friends showed it to me.

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do."
      - Anonymous

Picture source: Logo Noesis 

We all have that one friend that is always happy, or one friend that is so kind it will be the downfall of them.  Or maybe that one friend that you go to when you need help on something, no matter how small it may seam to you. I love those friends, they seam to always be there for you. But, it is really scary to see them mad or sad. Personally hate seeing, any, of my friends anything but happy and content.

Photo source: City of Lethbridge  

I will say this one thing about being alone. You don't have to be alone, like physically alone, to be alone. All you have is to feel alone. Hades, sometimes I'm in a crowded party or school event and I feel more alone then I do alone in my room. Being kind isn't just about helping people that need help, it's about helping anyone you can any way you can. Even if it is just being on the phone with them when they just need to have someone there.

Picture source: Loner Wolf

The smile that shows through the tears will always be the brightest to me. I don't care why they are tears, happiness, sadness, or another emotion, it will be beautiful. I don't understand why the smile seams brighter than normal, and I don't think I ever will. Doesn't the smile seam brighter when there is tears involved? Or maybe it seams brighter, because you see their strength shinning through?

Wise people are hard to find now a days, but when you do find them and find out their back story it is usually one of pain and hatred. They learn from their past and then pass on the wisdom that have learned. They are usually some of the easiest people to talk to.

All these different types of people and they tend to have one thing in common. They don't want you to feel they way they feel, so they will try to protect you from everything they can.

Random thing: A song that goes well with this quote, in my mind, is Goodbye Agony by BVB.

Tired

Today I have a quote that has two meanings that I would like dearly to share. It's a simple quote really, one that most of us have said once or maybe multiply times. 

"I'm tired."

      - Everyone 

My first monster of the day finished.

Right now as I write this, I'm drinking a Monster trying to wake up a little more, and more importantly stay awake till karate (I have a little more than an hour left). When I was little I swore that I would never drink energy drinks and now look at me I’m drinking my second one this week. For some reason the last few days I have been tired. I've tried going to sleep earlier, doing all my homework, working-out before bed, taking a shower before bed, and eating health . . . er, but none of it is working in the least. I was soo tired today that I fell asleep during 3rd period!! I never sleep during class! 

The only reason, that I can think of, for causing me to be so tired is that I'm stressed out, about what I'm not too sure. We all have those times where we can’t sleep, I guess. It seams that no matter how many hours I sleep I’m still tired. 

The other meaning behind being tired is that you are just tired with life and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for the whole day, and it’s not about lack of sleep. Right now I have a little of that too, just a little of it though, because life, at times, can get a little too stressing and when that happens we tend to want to take a brake, or I do at least. 

Picture courtesy of Tee's Seasons of Life

Being tired is a horrible feeling. You want to stop feeling it, but at the same time you wouldn't know what you would do if you stopped feeling tired. That is all you know. That is all you think you can know and you think you deserve it.  Well, I'm going to tell you this: you don't deserve it. No matter how bad you think you messed up and how bad you just want to give up, don't. Show them that they are wrong, and that you can do it. That is what I'm doing right now. I'm proving them wrong. If I can do it you certainly can do it.

That went off my main goal of telling you about the quote, but I think achieved  something greater than what I set out to  achieve. 

Update: I’m on my second Monster and my body is shaking so much right now. This is why I hate energy drinks. Apparently mental illnesses and caffeine are not a hugely-great-combination.

What's the Escape?

I don't know about you guys but I'm a HUGE reader. I read most mornings and most evenings, if I'm on my phone the chances are that I'm reading. After all, life can get way to hard for me to deal with, reading is my escape; my way to forget all my worries and just not remember anything for a while (besides the story line of course).

Picture source: Robert E. Stutts

"Reading is escape, and the opposite of escape; it's a way to make contact with realty after a day of making things up, and it's a way of making contact with someones else's imagination after a day that's all too real."
-Nora Ephron

Escape from life is needed from time to time, we can't just keep going on without a break. That is why a lot of people workout, why they write, or why they watch tv for long periods of time. Reading is just a way of going to a place that is make believe and not having to deal with life for a while.

But at the same time it is a way to get away from a day that seamed made up and fake. When the day is too hard to believe, I read. I disappear into a world filled with magic, strange beings, romance, trouble, basically . . . anything to get my mind off of the day I just had

Just a couple of days ago, my life was turned upside down. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, I was confused and lost. So, I read. I didn't have to worry about anything for a while, all I had to think about was the story and that is it. When it was my time to return to reality all the troubles didn't seam as bad, they seamed far away in a land that didn't effect anymore.

Reading takes me away from all the pain I feel. I don't have to worry about anything for that small period of time. It's nice.