His Name Was Zander

Today I have a post that isn't really about a quote per say, it is more about what people should know right now. I was just on Tumblr and I found out a 15 year old boy killed himself on the 15th of this month. On his grave his name isn't written; a name that he didn't believe in anymore. Sandra was written on his grave, not Zander. He was a trans boy and he was a shining light. I heard a story were he was very physically thirsty and he grab the first thing he could find, chocolate milk. He drank two glass and then he freaked out, because he was allergic to milk (not highly allergic, but allergic non the less).

He couldn't stand to be in a world where his parents and his school couldn't accept the fact that he was a male. They think that if you are born a girl than you stay a girl and you can't change that no matter what. I don't understand people who are co closed off to the point where they tell people that they are useless if they are not they way they are expected to be.

A good friend of mine, that is religious, said that god makes mistakes. Something just didn't work out when people who are transgender, but there is nothing wrong with them. If god can kill thousands of people then maybe he can afford make a mistake with something as simple as gender once and a while.

Form his obituary

You really should read all of the text form his obituary. Not only does it say the wrong name, it also says that there were survivors! He killed himself! There wasn't a plane crash or a house that caught on fire! He killed himself. How can there be survivors?

If you have a tumblr please do look at the tag 'his name was zander'. Don't forget him. He was a boy who loved space and who loved anime. 

What I don't understand is that Leelah blew up the internet within a couple of days. But Zander's death has only a few people who know about him. 

His name was Zander Mahaffey.

Picture from 2 Paragraphs 

Falling Down . . .

I have had a lot of people that know my story say that they are surprised that I'm still smiling to this day and the fact that I brush it off is amazing. Well here's the truth I can't brush it off anymore. It's piled so high that I can even start to graze the top while brushing. But here is the thing when I was young I learned that life is not easy and not a beautiful place all the time. I have had someone tell me that I don't know how dark the world is and that I'm too innocent to understand it. I will tell you this right now: I know more about how dark the world is than I do about how music effects different people.

"Falling down is part of life. Getting back up is living."
      - Unknown

I know first hand how hard it is to keep getting back up and how hard it is to keep living sometimes. But here is the thing if you give up you will never see what is in store for you at the end. Yes, I understand that I don't know what bullying feels like or what it feels like to have no one at your side. But I do know what it feels like to not be wanted in your "home" and to be yelled at for something you didn't do. Not terrible I know, but I can see where most of you come from and that is all I need and want.

I know that giving up seams like the best choice; you won't have to worry about what they say or how you act around them. All you have to worry about is how much better their lives would be without you in it. I'm sorry to say this but you don't live their life, you live your life. Your life is yours. Don't worry about what they say or how it makes you feel. Heck, take it in for a second knowledge it, if it is helpful retain it, if it is harmful throw it out like the trash it is.

This is a lesson I am learn myself right now. I'm learn to just keep the helpful comments and throw out the bad ones. It is a hard lesson to learn and a hard lesson to practice. How about we do this journey together? So neither of us is alone.

I know I'm going to keep heaving my body off the cold hard ground and get back up. I know that no matter how hard life gets I will not stop living (well until my time has come). For some reason this song started playing and I thought it is very interesting and is worth your time and it has a lot to do with this.

 Picture form Maria Mar


ps just a reminder that darkness can be beautiful too

Moments Create Memories

On Friday I went to a concert . . . Pierce the Veil and Sleeping With Sirens concert, but that isn't what this post is about. It's about the bands they had touring with them. Mallory Knox and Pvris. Just a side note, Pvris choose to have the v be like an upside down a, which I find really cool, so their name is really just paris, but spelled way cooler. I really enjoyed listening to them, they were both so much better than I though they would be. Poor Mallory Knox came on first so the crowd wasn't as pumped up as it was for Pvris, or it could just be that PVRIS has a girl singer and the crowd was mostly guys.

I must say that the whole concert was a night to remember, from running into one of my friends form camp to almost getting dragged into a mosh pit to finding new bands to listen to. That night is something I will hold close till I die.

"We don't remember days, we remember moments."
      - Cesare Pavese

My friends and I after the concert. Only two of them are older than me.

I won't remember how the day started out. I won't remember what classes I had that day. But I will remember the moments I shared with my friends during the concert. I will remember how happy I was to finally be inside of the building and not outside in the cool air in a tank top. I will remember how my throat hurt from singing and scream with the songs and how my feet killed me after all the jumping I did. Waiting for about 15 minutes for Pierce the Veil to come one. But the thing is that they will all be found memories that I don't ever want to forget.

I really want to know what memory you hold close. Is it a bad one or is it a good one? I really hope you don't hold the bad memories close. Hopefully you only can hold the good ones close. If you hold the bad ones close I hope they help you some how, don't really know how that may be, but they could help you.

Life is just a bunch of day all in a row that don't seam to make a whole lot of sense. Some days are almost identical to the other ones. But some . . . but some are so strange that they create moments that are amazing and that you don't want to forget at all. I know I have some of them. What are yours? What are the memories that you wouldn't ever want to forget?