I'm . . . . Fine?

"I'm fine" is something that I hear almost everyday. And I hate it. To a person that suffers with depression it doesn't mean what everyone else thinks it does. To me, and other people, it is a to get people to stop asking if we are okay. It's a way to tell people that we are dying inside without telling anyone we are. It's not just a response that is 'okay'.

"I'm fine 

F:alling apart 

I:nsecure 

N:ot good enough, ever 

E:mpty inside"

      ~ A.H. 

Fine is not a word to use to answer, it is a word that is used to avoid. When someone says that they are fine, look them in the eye and ask if they are really okay. Most of the time they will say that they are okay, but some of the time they will break down and need you to hold them. Don't think that everyone is okay just because they say that they are okay. They can be dying inside. And if they don't tell you that they aren't okay, maybe they are one of the lucky few and actually are okay. 

If you look up "I'm fine depression" you would be surprised by how many pictures that there are. Or maybe you know already how messed up the world is and you aren't even surprised in the slightest. Just keep in mind that they next time that you say those two words that maybe you aren't just fine, and that maybe you do need help. 

Picture from Picture Quotes 

Saying "I'm fine" over and over again doesn't make it true. I know that feeling that if you say it over and over again you will trick your mind into thinking that you are okay, even though you know fully well that you aren't okay or fine or whatever you are trying to trick yourself into thinking. Sometimes you just have to I've adamant that you are not okay, and that is okay. Take a day for yourself. Read, watch your favorite show, drink your favorite drink, cuddle with something, go for a walk, do
something for yourself, because you deserve it. I know that those things may not help everyone, but you do deserve a day to yourself to treat your self right, even if it is just for a few hours. 

Well now that you know "I'm fine" doesn't mean I'm fine, are you going to keep saying it, or are you going to help people who say it? 

p.s. I love you and you are a gift to this world and anyone who doesn't see that is not worth your time. 

My Journey

I started off this blog with one of my favorite quotes and after a while I started running out of quotes to use. I went into the internet and grabbed random ones from there. I have tried to not use the same topic twice, but I did. I somehow combined topics of posts together and made something . . . . well very like me. Strange and different. My blog didn't just only get better, but I had my friends in real life say that I have changed and became more open, about my life and things that go on in it.

I can't really say that my blog got better, but I can say that I feel like it has. We all know saying and feeling like it, is different. This post is short about that is about all I can say about this topic.

Something Must be Wrong

People have been romanticizing anxiety for a long time now, and let me tell you now that it is anything but pretty. They go something like this:

                                                                       "Body shakes

  Heart races

  Can't think straight

  Not able to sit still

  Fidget for a hour 

  Something must be wrong

  Something must be wrong

  Stomach is turning

  Head is reeling 

  Fidget fidget

  Leg shakes

  Foot taps

  Hair is pulled

  Skin is bitten

  Flesh scratched

  Blue skin appears

  Something must be wrong

  Something must be wrong

  This is an anxiety attack."

~ A.H.

It is not something that is pretty, or something that should be remembered as being beautiful. When a person is pulling at their sleeves and rocking back and forth, it's not something to romanticize. It is a real disorder that a lot of people have, about 40 million adults in the U.S. have one form of anxiety or another.     

Picture source: Gallery Hip

In the picture above it is showing some of the symptoms of an anxiety attack. As you can tell it is not a very pretty thing, and even less fun to have. I hear this a lot "she said she had anxiety attack just to get out of class" well that may be what happened, but most of the time it is because they had an anxiety attack. Imagen having your body trembling all over, your heart racing, your brain telling you something is wrong, and that you don't sleep much or when you do sleep it is a terrible sleep that only gives you energy for an hour or two. Can you imagen that? Can you see how draining that is on a person?

Picture from: Genius

I can see that you didn't know how bad the attacks are or that you didn't know what it does to a person. But now that you know what it is like I hope you stop romanticizing it as much as you do right now. One place that is really bad with romanticizing mental illness is Tumblr. They make it seam like have depression and anxiety is the best thing in the world. And that if you have them then you can gain entrence to an all exclusive club. Let me tell you now that it is nothing as amazing as that.

You stay wake for long times wondering how you messed up that day, or freaking out over something as small as a hair out of place. You don't feel the need to eat, or you feel the need to eat everything in sight. You don't sleep, but when you do you have hellish nightmares. It is not something to strive to want. In fact once you get it, you spend most of your energy pretending to be just fine and normal, or as normal as you can be. You become an expert at faking a smile and keeping the pain out of your voice when you say "I'm fine" or "I'm okay". You take pills, just so that you won't have those thoughts in your head anymore. You feel like breaking now at any second. Your body is always trembling. Your mind is the worst place to be alone.

What is there to want? What is there to love about anxiety? 

Semicolons, Gotta Love 'em

I've been wanting to write a post about this for a while now; well here goes nothing, sorry if it sounds strange or creepy. The semicolon project is something that I have done since it first came out in 2013. So for about two years I have been drawing a semicolon on my left wrist. Sometimes I write a word (ex: warrior) and exchange the i with a semicolon. If you don't know what the semicolon project is, it is basically for people that self-harm, have depression, anxiety, or are going through a rough patch in life to help remember that their story isn't quite over just yet.

"A semicolon is used when a sentence could have been ended but it wasn't."
      - Unknown

The sentence is your life and you are the author, see it out a little long is all it means. Choose to live a little longer and prove that you can do it, show them that they were wrong. Life will throw curveballs at you and it will suck terribly bad. But there are some things that are worth living for. Music, movies, books, those friends, that one series that isn't over yet, or even that one day that hasn't come, but will come.

You can make it to the sunrise. And to the next one and the one after that. Life will try to drag you down, it is your mission to make sure that that doesn't happen. Think of it like a game. The more you stand up, the more you win. The more you stay down, the more you lose. And who likes to lose?


"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it's very important that you do it, cause nobody else will."
      - Gandhi

As sad as that sounds it is really true. Only some people get to be remembered for the rest of the worlds history, and only some are remembered for things that made the world a better place. Who knows maybe your smile will give someone the courage to go on that day. "Well if they can still smile and go on so can I."

Picture source: The Un-Better Half

Love Yourself?

Recently, I have been watch RuPaul's Drag Race. Not only is the show really funny, but it is also very empowering. It talks about being comfortable in your own skin and that is you want something, it isn't just going to show up, you have to work for it. Also it has drag queens, which makes it so amazing. At the end of each episode RuPaul tells the contestants:

"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"
     - RuPaul

Picture from Artatm 

I kinda agree, but disagree with that quote. I don't really believe that you have to love yourself to love somebody else. Because if you had to love yourself to love someone else, most people wouldn't be in love or have a person that loves them. My friend pointed out that it helps to love yourself so the relationship is not a poisonous one. If you don't love yourself you will become very uncomfortable in the relationship, thinking that they are doing to leave you at anytime, or that they are just using you. It will come to the point where the person you are seeing will not want to tell you that you are amazing just the way you are, and they will leave you. And we both know that will just shatter anything you have left of self respect.

Picture from Pics Hunger

Sometimes it won't end like that, maybe they will help build you up so that you can stand on your own. Somedays without them and when you need to lean on them they will be there. I think that even your friends can do that for you, so don't worry about missing out on something.
I really like the picture to left, because it can be taken two way or more ways. It can be taken that the people are ripping the heart apart, or that they are putting the heart back together with they help of the other person.

So, back to that quote it is very useful to love yourself or at least be okay with yourself to love someone. What do you guys think? 

Finals + Silence = Hell; Music + Finals = Savior

Finals the best time of the year! Don't we all love it so dearly!? Stress comes in waves. Not caring comes in waves.  Anxiety picks up its level. Yea not a very fun time for me. Studying till your brain feels like it is going to melt. Felling like if you don't study you will fail the tests. And then have a huge downfall of everything. Your grades will get bad, you won't get into a good college, you will end up working at Burger King, and maybe end up homeless.

I don't know about you but I find music relaxes me. There is this weird sound alpha wave thingy that helps me stay constrained, here's the link.  (I wrote a five page essay while listening to it.)

Picture source: College Info Geek 

I find that music helps me calm down when I am freaking out about something, no matter how small. It may not get rid of my freaking out completely, but it does stop it from getting any worse. One song that I listen to when I freak out big time is "Waiting for Superman" by Daughtry. The first time I heard it I loved it and it calmed me down more than I can describe. I went out and bought it. I was reading a book for about three or two hours all the time listening to that one song on repeat and I still don't hate it. It is jus that one song that I can listen to for hours on end and not get bored of it. The lines: 

"She’s waiting for superman

To lift her up and take her anywhere
Show her love and climbing through the air
Save her now before it’s too late tonight"

shows, to me, that everyone may be waiting and hoping for someone to come and save them. Who knows how many times that does happen. Most people have to save themselves. But if you watch the music video it tells a different story. The 'superman' that was saving them got treated like the bad by the people he saved. If you haven't seen or listen to the song I suggest listening to it now. Trust me you won't be wasting your time and if it does waste your time I'm terribly sorry. 

Well, now I have to go and study like crazy for my finals. Hope everyone does well and passes your finals, whenever they may be. Good luck and goodbye! :)

Pain Will Pass, Quitting Lasts

This weekend I was at a karate tournament. It was really a lot of fun! You get to see all these forms (just a random form I found on the internet) that you didn't know excited and see how amazing they are. You get to watch fights between two black belts and made up self-defense scenarios that are sometimes hilarious. This time I tried out continues sparing. It is when you spar of a minute straight have a brake for about thirty seconds then you are back for another round. It may not sound so bad, but you are getting pounded for a minute straight. Needless to say I lost. I was told that losing by thirty points isn't much and in my first fight I lost by about fifty, so I guess that isn't so bad.

Picture of my right arm

Now I have two bruised arms, a shin that hurts to walk on, and a back that so sore it hurts to bend down. But I would do the fight again, and I'm going to start running so I get better endurance and don't get tired next time I fight continues. Well one of the bruises was my own fault, I broke weird, so now I have a bruise almost the same size as my hand on my right arm.

"Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever."
      - Lance Armstrong

Like the quote says pain will end up going away, no matter how bad it is. But quitting. . . is forever. If something is trying to keep down don't let it keep trying to win. Don't give up. The pain will pass and the victory will be even sweeter. 

If you ask a black belt what belt they are some will say that they are a white belt that never gave up, and I will not give up. I will not be known as a quitter.

Don't give up. Keep going at it. You will get there and you will be even more happy that you had to fight for it. What taste sweeter: strawberries that you bought or strawberries that you pick? Yes, having people do things for you sometimes is amazing and wonderful, but it can't happen all the time. Go out and be what you want to be. If someone tells you, you can't do it. It will be even sweeter when you do.

Remember pain will pass. Quitting will last for a very long time.

Picture of my left arm it is darker in person (I think)

I Really Want It

Colored hair is something that has always amazed me. I am enchanted by all the hair colors that you can dye it, the more unnatural of color the better for enchantment. What amazes me is that some people are so against dying your hair a certain color or any color besides your natural tone. Some people get a confident boost from having an odd color. Some people just want to have different hair. Some people just want to try something new. And on the idea of trying something new here is the quote of the day/week:

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember amateurs build the ark, but professionals built the Titanic."
      -Unknown

Trying something new is part of life. Doing the same thing over and over is too, but it's not fun. The color I really really really want to dye my hair is pastel blue kinda like the pictures below, just not the one on the far right too much.

Picture from: Love This Pic

I think that this color is a very nice light color for summer. The only problem is that my Dad won't let me dye my hair. I think . . . no I know that it would be a good experience for me, or anyone for that matter, to have dyed hair when they are younger so that when they get older they know if they really want to do it. I have been wanting to dye my hair an unnatural color for a really really long time and now that I found a color I'm totally in love with, I'll do anything for my Dad so he let's me dye my hair this color (with in reason of course). 

As of right now my hair is a blonde (in the picture below) and it would be fun for a change, just for the summer. I know my hair color isn't horrible or anything, I just want to try something new.

Pic from me of my hair

I know that is is a big change, but it I really want it. Only if my Dad would let me dye my hair that amazing color. What do you think about hair colors?

One Half to Another Half

Soulmates . . . an idea that is not widely talked about anymore, and I can't understand why, no I lied I can. The concept of a soulmate, of a person that is made just for you, is extraordinary. A lot of people are alone in this huge-wide-world right now. What would happen if they find their soulmate? Would they not be alone anymore or would they feel even more lonely when their soulmate is not around them?  What would happen if they found their soulmate too late?

Picture source: The City of Shamballa.

"According to Greek Mythology, humans were created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power,  Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."
      - Plato

Zeus, a greek god, feared humans so much, he split us
up making us go searching for our other half for our whole life.  I know that that is just a story that can be true or maybe isn't true. Who knows? All I know is that I think it is a good way to explain soulmates. Or another, more scientific, way to explain them is that their particles/atom things where next to each other the time that the big bang happened.

Stories of werewolves and their mates are interesting and a fast read, for me. Something about the concept of having a person made just for you, someone to love and perfect you, just makes me have some hope in this world for now.

I don't know about you guys, but i believe in soulmates. I believe and hope that everyone finds their soulmate. Do you believe in soulmates?

Picture from: Soulmate Signs 

Music Lesons

I’m going to try and do something a little different, and instead of always having a quote from a person (known or unknown) I am going to put songs and the parts that are important to me and that I think have a deep meaning.

First up - “Without Walls” by, the amazing band, Memphis May Fire. The first two lines of the song are:

“This is who we are! These are the roads we paved. The strength we found and the mistakes we made along the way.” 

Not only does his voice sound heavenly, but the song lyrics are strong and seem like they can hit home with anyone, almost. Those lines are saying that the way you are is they way you are and you made yourself they way you are. The strength was found you weren’t born with it and the mistakes are there but they are not the most important thing. 

The rest of the short one minute and 40 some odd seconds are amazing and I love all of it. You really should listen to it for your self, and tell me what you think? (Be warned there is some screamo in the song)

Picture source: Confront Magazine 

Second song and the last one - “Face Down (Album Version)” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This song is amazing! For some people it hits some a little more than others, because it’s about abuse. (Kinda funny story my competition-karate-team-captain thinks this song will be great for when we teach the self defense seminars [they are mostly for abuse victims]). I have two different sets of lines I want to share with you today. First:

“A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect. Every action in this worlds will bear a consequence.”

It’s very very true. One little thing makes an effect that will stay for a very long time. Forgetting your Chapstick for a day, can lead to having capped lips. Capped lips can lead to irritation. Ect. and ect.. Then the action part is just reinstating the ripple effect. Second set of lines:

“Face down in the dirt, she said ‘I’m fine.’ She said, ‘I finally had enough.’”

It says that you can only take so much before you decide that that is enough, and that it’s finally time to stop. In the case of abuse victims they don’t think anything is wrong for a long period of time, and when they do figure out that something is wrong they blame themselves for the way their partner treated them (yes it doesn’t have to be a partner, it can be a parent, I’m just going off the song). Just give this song a listen, trust me it is well worth your time. 

Picture from Altpress 

I’ll tell you the truth and say I really enjoyed doing this. Let me know if you want me to do this again or if you want me to go back to the just quote part. Well I hope you have a good day and sleep the night away! Bye-bye!! 

His Name Was Zander

Today I have a post that isn't really about a quote per say, it is more about what people should know right now. I was just on Tumblr and I found out a 15 year old boy killed himself on the 15th of this month. On his grave his name isn't written; a name that he didn't believe in anymore. Sandra was written on his grave, not Zander. He was a trans boy and he was a shining light. I heard a story were he was very physically thirsty and he grab the first thing he could find, chocolate milk. He drank two glass and then he freaked out, because he was allergic to milk (not highly allergic, but allergic non the less).

He couldn't stand to be in a world where his parents and his school couldn't accept the fact that he was a male. They think that if you are born a girl than you stay a girl and you can't change that no matter what. I don't understand people who are co closed off to the point where they tell people that they are useless if they are not they way they are expected to be.

A good friend of mine, that is religious, said that god makes mistakes. Something just didn't work out when people who are transgender, but there is nothing wrong with them. If god can kill thousands of people then maybe he can afford make a mistake with something as simple as gender once and a while.

Form his obituary

You really should read all of the text form his obituary. Not only does it say the wrong name, it also says that there were survivors! He killed himself! There wasn't a plane crash or a house that caught on fire! He killed himself. How can there be survivors?

If you have a tumblr please do look at the tag 'his name was zander'. Don't forget him. He was a boy who loved space and who loved anime. 

What I don't understand is that Leelah blew up the internet within a couple of days. But Zander's death has only a few people who know about him. 

His name was Zander Mahaffey.

Picture from 2 Paragraphs 

Falling Down . . .

I have had a lot of people that know my story say that they are surprised that I'm still smiling to this day and the fact that I brush it off is amazing. Well here's the truth I can't brush it off anymore. It's piled so high that I can even start to graze the top while brushing. But here is the thing when I was young I learned that life is not easy and not a beautiful place all the time. I have had someone tell me that I don't know how dark the world is and that I'm too innocent to understand it. I will tell you this right now: I know more about how dark the world is than I do about how music effects different people.

"Falling down is part of life. Getting back up is living."
      - Unknown

I know first hand how hard it is to keep getting back up and how hard it is to keep living sometimes. But here is the thing if you give up you will never see what is in store for you at the end. Yes, I understand that I don't know what bullying feels like or what it feels like to have no one at your side. But I do know what it feels like to not be wanted in your "home" and to be yelled at for something you didn't do. Not terrible I know, but I can see where most of you come from and that is all I need and want.

I know that giving up seams like the best choice; you won't have to worry about what they say or how you act around them. All you have to worry about is how much better their lives would be without you in it. I'm sorry to say this but you don't live their life, you live your life. Your life is yours. Don't worry about what they say or how it makes you feel. Heck, take it in for a second knowledge it, if it is helpful retain it, if it is harmful throw it out like the trash it is.

This is a lesson I am learn myself right now. I'm learn to just keep the helpful comments and throw out the bad ones. It is a hard lesson to learn and a hard lesson to practice. How about we do this journey together? So neither of us is alone.

I know I'm going to keep heaving my body off the cold hard ground and get back up. I know that no matter how hard life gets I will not stop living (well until my time has come). For some reason this song started playing and I thought it is very interesting and is worth your time and it has a lot to do with this.

 Picture form Maria Mar


ps just a reminder that darkness can be beautiful too

Moments Create Memories

On Friday I went to a concert . . . Pierce the Veil and Sleeping With Sirens concert, but that isn't what this post is about. It's about the bands they had touring with them. Mallory Knox and Pvris. Just a side note, Pvris choose to have the v be like an upside down a, which I find really cool, so their name is really just paris, but spelled way cooler. I really enjoyed listening to them, they were both so much better than I though they would be. Poor Mallory Knox came on first so the crowd wasn't as pumped up as it was for Pvris, or it could just be that PVRIS has a girl singer and the crowd was mostly guys.

I must say that the whole concert was a night to remember, from running into one of my friends form camp to almost getting dragged into a mosh pit to finding new bands to listen to. That night is something I will hold close till I die.

"We don't remember days, we remember moments."
      - Cesare Pavese

My friends and I after the concert. Only two of them are older than me.

I won't remember how the day started out. I won't remember what classes I had that day. But I will remember the moments I shared with my friends during the concert. I will remember how happy I was to finally be inside of the building and not outside in the cool air in a tank top. I will remember how my throat hurt from singing and scream with the songs and how my feet killed me after all the jumping I did. Waiting for about 15 minutes for Pierce the Veil to come one. But the thing is that they will all be found memories that I don't ever want to forget.

I really want to know what memory you hold close. Is it a bad one or is it a good one? I really hope you don't hold the bad memories close. Hopefully you only can hold the good ones close. If you hold the bad ones close I hope they help you some how, don't really know how that may be, but they could help you.

Life is just a bunch of day all in a row that don't seam to make a whole lot of sense. Some days are almost identical to the other ones. But some . . . but some are so strange that they create moments that are amazing and that you don't want to forget at all. I know I have some of them. What are yours? What are the memories that you wouldn't ever want to forget?

The People . . .

I almost forgot all about this quote, till one of my friends showed it to me.

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do."
      - Anonymous

Picture source: Logo Noesis 

We all have that one friend that is always happy, or one friend that is so kind it will be the downfall of them.  Or maybe that one friend that you go to when you need help on something, no matter how small it may seam to you. I love those friends, they seam to always be there for you. But, it is really scary to see them mad or sad. Personally hate seeing, any, of my friends anything but happy and content.

Photo source: City of Lethbridge  

I will say this one thing about being alone. You don't have to be alone, like physically alone, to be alone. All you have is to feel alone. Hades, sometimes I'm in a crowded party or school event and I feel more alone then I do alone in my room. Being kind isn't just about helping people that need help, it's about helping anyone you can any way you can. Even if it is just being on the phone with them when they just need to have someone there.

Picture source: Loner Wolf

The smile that shows through the tears will always be the brightest to me. I don't care why they are tears, happiness, sadness, or another emotion, it will be beautiful. I don't understand why the smile seams brighter than normal, and I don't think I ever will. Doesn't the smile seam brighter when there is tears involved? Or maybe it seams brighter, because you see their strength shinning through?

Wise people are hard to find now a days, but when you do find them and find out their back story it is usually one of pain and hatred. They learn from their past and then pass on the wisdom that have learned. They are usually some of the easiest people to talk to.

All these different types of people and they tend to have one thing in common. They don't want you to feel they way they feel, so they will try to protect you from everything they can.

Random thing: A song that goes well with this quote, in my mind, is Goodbye Agony by BVB.

Tired

Today I have a quote that has two meanings that I would like dearly to share. It's a simple quote really, one that most of us have said once or maybe multiply times. 

"I'm tired."

      - Everyone 

My first monster of the day finished.

Right now as I write this, I'm drinking a Monster trying to wake up a little more, and more importantly stay awake till karate (I have a little more than an hour left). When I was little I swore that I would never drink energy drinks and now look at me I’m drinking my second one this week. For some reason the last few days I have been tired. I've tried going to sleep earlier, doing all my homework, working-out before bed, taking a shower before bed, and eating health . . . er, but none of it is working in the least. I was soo tired today that I fell asleep during 3rd period!! I never sleep during class! 

The only reason, that I can think of, for causing me to be so tired is that I'm stressed out, about what I'm not too sure. We all have those times where we can’t sleep, I guess. It seams that no matter how many hours I sleep I’m still tired. 

The other meaning behind being tired is that you are just tired with life and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for the whole day, and it’s not about lack of sleep. Right now I have a little of that too, just a little of it though, because life, at times, can get a little too stressing and when that happens we tend to want to take a brake, or I do at least. 

Picture courtesy of Tee's Seasons of Life

Being tired is a horrible feeling. You want to stop feeling it, but at the same time you wouldn't know what you would do if you stopped feeling tired. That is all you know. That is all you think you can know and you think you deserve it.  Well, I'm going to tell you this: you don't deserve it. No matter how bad you think you messed up and how bad you just want to give up, don't. Show them that they are wrong, and that you can do it. That is what I'm doing right now. I'm proving them wrong. If I can do it you certainly can do it.

That went off my main goal of telling you about the quote, but I think achieved  something greater than what I set out to  achieve. 

Update: I’m on my second Monster and my body is shaking so much right now. This is why I hate energy drinks. Apparently mental illnesses and caffeine are not a hugely-great-combination.

What's the Escape?

I don't know about you guys but I'm a HUGE reader. I read most mornings and most evenings, if I'm on my phone the chances are that I'm reading. After all, life can get way to hard for me to deal with, reading is my escape; my way to forget all my worries and just not remember anything for a while (besides the story line of course).

Picture source: Robert E. Stutts

"Reading is escape, and the opposite of escape; it's a way to make contact with realty after a day of making things up, and it's a way of making contact with someones else's imagination after a day that's all too real."
-Nora Ephron

Escape from life is needed from time to time, we can't just keep going on without a break. That is why a lot of people workout, why they write, or why they watch tv for long periods of time. Reading is just a way of going to a place that is make believe and not having to deal with life for a while.

But at the same time it is a way to get away from a day that seamed made up and fake. When the day is too hard to believe, I read. I disappear into a world filled with magic, strange beings, romance, trouble, basically . . . anything to get my mind off of the day I just had

Just a couple of days ago, my life was turned upside down. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, I was confused and lost. So, I read. I didn't have to worry about anything for a while, all I had to think about was the story and that is it. When it was my time to return to reality all the troubles didn't seam as bad, they seamed far away in a land that didn't effect anymore.

Reading takes me away from all the pain I feel. I don't have to worry about anything for that small period of time. It's nice.